Subway Etiquette
The woman was chewing gum with her mouth open and should have known better. While above ground, gum chewing only negatively affects the general population if it is spat onto the sidewalk, in the New York City subway, it is grounds for immediate correction. Samantha von Sperling, director of Polished, a top social image consultant service shoots the offender “a look of death” and the girl wisely closes her gaping maw, the masticated spearmint rectangle now hidden except for small jaw movements indicating its presence.While each of us commuters are subject to the rude, the inconsiderate and the dunderheaded at least once per trip, for von Sperling, etiquette goes much deeper than merely remembering to say, “excuse me” before disembarking the train. The overwhelming problem in dealing with train etiquette, von Sperling explains, is that people just are not aware of poor behavior or that they just don’t care.
Von Sperling cuts a dramatic figure, impeccably dressed in all black with a dazzling blue-green cuff and matching eyeliner. Descending into the subterranean habitat of both rats and seat hogs, she spies a man on the platform clipping his nails. The light sound of the clipping draws stares from others waiting for the train, and von Sperling points out that behavior such as that does not belong anywhere in public.
Stepping into the cool confines of the uptown 1 train, von Sperling and I begin furtively observing our fellow passengers. Von Sperling moves closer to a man with his legs akimbo, a huge suitcase stuffed between them. With a polite but sharp, “excuse me, please” she sits down. The man now slightly taken aback readjusts his position and sits in only one seat. I am sitting diagonal from von Sperling, an empty tic-tac box on the seat next to me and a Doritos bag under the opposite seat. “How did we get this way,” I wonder. Who does not know - to use a term from my hiking days - to pack out what you pack in?
Von Sperling summarizes that our loss of public etiquette has been four generations in the making. “In the 1960’s people rebelled and there was a shift of value systems,” she said. “Etiquette became an elective and not a requirement and there were other things to focus on [such as civil rights and a war].” Hers is an interesting theory; the summer of love has given birth to the autumn of personal happiness and, now, the winter of my commuting discontent.
Transferring onto the shuttle train at Times Square, von Sperling explains that underground etiquette goes deeper than not littering or changing a ringtone in an enclosed space. The behaviors we all engage in reinforce class divisions and spotlight social strata. If we choose to eat on the train, for example, we could be noshing on a food another passenger may not be able to afford, is allergic to, or cannot eat due to dietary restrictions. Knowing this, von Sperling recommends snacking on “non-offensive consumables,” such as almonds - but only if you must.
At its core, etiquette is primarily about communication, von Sperling said. It is communicating your desires to others to provide information so they can react appropriately. It isn’t enough for passengers to know they’re getting off at the next stop, but beginning one stop prior they should begin moving towards the door, or gathering belongings so people can anticipate that a seat previously occupied will be up for grabs.
Etiquette is also about sly manipulation. Von Sperling enjoys “the look of death,” whereas other less couth individuals sometimes enjoy a more direct approach involving swear words and threats of physical harm. More appropriate, she said, is slightly invading a person’s space to spark them step into the car to allow a more even distribution of available real estate. But, as von Sperling points out, there is a difference between intrusions of public decorum versus a personal annoyance (i.e. a slight bump of someone’s backpack versus loud yelling and cursing). That violation of public protocol spreads across class lines, “I’ve met goat herders with more class than some lawyers and doctors,” von Sperling states.
Stepping into a downtown 6 train, the train would be free of offenders, von Sperling said, if it weren’t for an overweight woman wearing a tank top about two sizes too small for her ample frame. Von Sperling looks over in disgust. “If you are slim and in shape, then wearing little clothing is ok. But if you are much larger, (as she nods in the woman’s direction), you have subjected everyone to looking at something unappealing,” she says in a hushed tone. Underground etiquette is also about thinking of your fellow passengers before you leave your house, she said, much less how we interact with them once thrown together in a lurching and screeching box at 30+ miles per hour.
At the end of our circular ride, we were back where we started in terms of location but I felt miles away from what I had originally conceived as standard underground etiquette. Von Sperling and I connected over mistakes, but these mistakes were correctable. “Each individual is capable of creating winds of change,” she prophetically explained.
While it is hard to concentrate on how our behavior affects others, especially with magazines, books, iPods, Blackberry’s and other distractions designed for our attention, small observances and even a tiny bit of acute perception is all that is needed to make our trips that much better.
posted by UpperWestSideGuy @ 8:50 PM
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